I Hit the Hut today. When I got back some high school kids (who happened to be in my parking spot) saw the box and asked me if I had pizza. I said yes. They asked if they could have any. I said no.
I’m pretty tough.
September 2010
12 posts
WHY DOESN’T GREGG’S TUMBLR HAVE A MURJILLION FOLLOWERS
hold the hand of a ham
hamholding the hamhand
holder of hams
emboldened on the porkaprice
staring downward
a pigfruit spreads its bacony wings
and lurchingly lofts into the sunset
dripping a grease behind
to hold hands with the moon
hands of mooncheese
ham and cheese together in space
eternally waiting for bread comets to crash
and bring completeness to the spacewich
a deliciousness never to be fulfilled
a mooncheese cries a single tear of gray grease
as the earth comes between it and the sun
excerpt from a six-hour chat, February 2009, feat @harveyjames
- ...
- me: oh damn! did she talk about her dead husband all night when you were doing it
- James: people know how to SCROLL DOWNWARDS
- yes
- me: hott
- "oh jams my husband is so dead of\h"
- James: how come cornelius's album ends with tape hiss getting louder and louder
- and then the noise of him falling off his chair
- me: apparently widows call you Jams in bed
- because being high is hilarious
- and he's also raising the volume to keep the fading piano note at a constand volume
- James: I reckon it was recorded when momus sat in on the point sessions
- and it's the noise of momus falling off his chair
- because he fell asleep because he's so damn old
- and then when the cd turned itself off he got a fright
- excuse me while I laugh at my own joke
- whoo!
- me: take your time
- James: I'm done
- me: one eye fluttering daftly, the other covered by a designer hand-knit eyepatch made by an underage anorexic japanese girl, as he feebly waves his arms from the floor
- James: when he snores it makes his eyepatch flap
- me: mouth in a half-rictus of recognition of the ceiling, mistaking it for the wall of his mother's womb
- James: haha
- me: a high-pitched wheeze escapes his lips
- a Weiden+Kennedy flyer falls off a drafting table and gently floats down to cover his face
- his slack muscles struggle with it, his fingers survey the wrong parts of his body, and soon he's asleep again
- James: and pees his pants
- me: yes, because one hand landed in a bowl of warm water left out for an unknown raeason
- James: there just happens to be ne in cornlius's house
- i'd be surpised if there wasn't a bowl of lukewarm water on every surface and shelf space in his studio apratment
- a white bowl
- me: the urine is actually a mix of blood, curdled semen, and displaced bowel gas
- James: urgh
- me: it spurts out with a sound like a deflating rotted cucumber left in the sun
- his 140th Japanese wife calls him a name from an old anime cartoon and then blows him
- James: and then he mumbles 'och noo, not agin' in his sleep
- me: then he writes an essay about it that somehow manages to be boring and self-referential
- despite not containing any vowels
- James: hey I wonder if there are any Jimmy McJimmy sketches on youtube
- Jimmy McJimmy is an english comedy character who was never popular in scotland
- me: and three hundred goth librarians comment on it to say how they rubbed one out to this essay
- never heard of him
- James: he was popular in the 80's
thoughts on Ariel Pink's "Mistaken Wedding" / ensuing minor revelations
- James: This guy annoys me!
- me: haha
- James: I don't like his Gainsbourgian cigarette-puffing
- me: hahahahahahaha
- James: I don't care to try and work out what level of meta-reference I'm supposed to appreciate that on
- me: "This musician is smoking a cigarette in a manner I find obtusely referential! What have I done to deserve this?" - James Harvey, 1983 - 2013
- James: WHY HAVE I LOST A YEAR
- it's not that it's too obtuse that's the problem
- it's that he looks like a cunt
- I don't care if he's doing an impression of someone who looks like a cunt
- or an impression of someone doing an impression
- what hits my eyeballs is
- A CUNT
- me: I feel like I'm witnessing what people went through, mentally, when clicking through to Pancaked from LookAtThisFUckingHipster *
- James: haha
- sure
- me: just like
- GOD DAMMIT
- FUCKING.... FUCK
- AAAAAA
- but very nicely articulated
- James: at least with your thing, there's enough signifiers to let people know it's a funny gag
- whereas this guy is just excruciatingly arch
- I dunno
- to be honest, it didn't bother me that much!
- but when I try to talk about it, I realise my vocabularly only has negative words to apply to this guy
- I can only articulate negative thoughts
- me: oh, that's a good point
- James: hey ,did you see that I uploaded new youtube poops
- ---------------------
- * youtube.com/comment_servlet?all_comments=1&v=leRbHxj8BKs
This morning I went to the library before work to work on a paper.
Afterwards, I got food at the McDonalds on campus for the first time.
While walking to work I saw tiny fluffy birds pecking at a splash of pink puke.
I ate the sausage mcmuffins and kinda ill for a while.
this reads as though it were translated out of genius-language
