excerpt from a six-hour chat, February 2009, feat @harveyjames
...
me: oh damn! did she talk about her dead husband all night when you were doing it
James: people know how to SCROLL DOWNWARDS
yes
me: hott
"oh jams my husband is so dead of\h"
James: how come cornelius's album ends with tape hiss getting louder and louder
and then the noise of him falling off his chair
me: apparently widows call you Jams in bed
because being high is hilarious
and he's also raising the volume to keep the fading piano note at a constand volume
James: I reckon it was recorded when momus sat in on the point sessions
and it's the noise of momus falling off his chair
because he fell asleep because he's so damn old
and then when the cd turned itself off he got a fright
excuse me while I laugh at my own joke
whoo!
me: take your time
James: I'm done
me: one eye fluttering daftly, the other covered by a designer hand-knit eyepatch made by an underage anorexic japanese girl, as he feebly waves his arms from the floor
James: when he snores it makes his eyepatch flap
me: mouth in a half-rictus of recognition of the ceiling, mistaking it for the wall of his mother's womb
James: haha
me: a high-pitched wheeze escapes his lips
a Weiden+Kennedy flyer falls off a drafting table and gently floats down to cover his face
his slack muscles struggle with it, his fingers survey the wrong parts of his body, and soon he's asleep again
James: and pees his pants
me: yes, because one hand landed in a bowl of warm water left out for an unknown raeason
James: there just happens to be ne in cornlius's house
i'd be surpised if there wasn't a bowl of lukewarm water on every surface and shelf space in his studio apratment
a white bowl
me: the urine is actually a mix of blood, curdled semen, and displaced bowel gas
James: urgh
me: it spurts out with a sound like a deflating rotted cucumber left in the sun
his 140th Japanese wife calls him a name from an old anime cartoon and then blows him
James: and then he mumbles 'och noo, not agin' in his sleep
me: then he writes an essay about it that somehow manages to be boring and self-referential
despite not containing any vowels
James: hey I wonder if there are any Jimmy McJimmy sketches on youtube
Jimmy McJimmy is an english comedy character who was never popular in scotland
me: and three hundred goth librarians comment on it to say how they rubbed one out to this essay
never heard of him
James: he was popular in the 80's
